Host Families – Helping Your Student Adjust
- “It takes a village”
International students may sometimes feel alone or that no one understands them or can help them. Often is the case that they are unsure how to ask for help or express exactly what it is that they need. They may feel unsettled or lonely, or embarrassed about issues they may not know how to address or process. All of us together (host family, school, GSA staff, and the students’ parents) serve as the “village” for our students. Students needs to know who to go to in their network and trust that they will be cared for and that their needs will be met.
Each student is assigned a Student Manager who speaks their native language. That representative serves as a support and liaison to the student, the student’s parents, GSA, host family, and school when necessary. The Student Manager visits the student at his/her host family home or boarding school each month and prepares a report for the student’s parents which encompasses the student’s academics and overall welfare.
- Clear Instructions
You may not think it’s necessary or that perhaps certain elements of life in the U.S. are obvious to others, but never assume that. For example, sometimes students don’t have cleaning or cooking responsibilities and are not accustomed to warming food in a microwave or preparing food for themselves. You might need to show your student how to prepare food, to use a microwave or dishwasher, set a table, take out the trash, clean a bathroom or bedroom, make a bed, use the washer and dryer, etc. It is possible that in their home country they do not use dryers at all. They may need to be reminded that your home is NOT a hotel and that they are a fully participating member of the household, and with that comes certain responsibilities.
Give them a tour of your home and discuss each area. Are there areas that are off limits? Are their times for certain activities, meals, family time, quiet time, homework? Where should they study? What time is light out? Keep in mind that our evening may be morning for their family outside of the U.S. and they will need time to connect with their family. It doesn’t mean they should be up until 1:00 in the morning, but it is something that should be discussed.
Do you have children? Your student may come from a single child household and have no idea how to interact with your children. They are accustomed to focusing on their studies and most likely have very little downtime or playtime for themselves or with classmates or children that are younger than them. If your student shows no interest in family activities, it is most likely because they feel uncomfortable or aren’t sure what to do. Create some structured family time with board games or other opportunities for everyone in the family to get to know each other without feeling pressured.
Do you have pets? Students may be uncomfortable or unaccustomed to having pets in a home and may not be aware of how to handle or care for an animal. Show them and let them know about your pet’s meals, privileges, care, etc. Discuss what your pet can and can’t eat, if they can go outside for play, and what to do in an emergency situation.
At school, the student will need to be shown his/her schedule and where his/her classes are, how to purchase school lunch, use a combination lock, how to address a teacher or ask for help, etc.
- Open and Honest Communication
Just like any other relationship, it takes time to cultivate the relationship and get to know each other. Now, add a new country, family structure and dynamic, expectations, possibly a new language, etc. It will take some time and challenges will arise. Communicate often and remember to speak slowly in case your student’s English isn’t at a high level of fluency. They may be self-conscious of their English and struggle to articulate how they are feeling. Allow them the time to say what they need the best way they can. Ask questions to check comprehension. Paraphrase what the student said. Use visual aids if necessary and if you use idioms or expressions, explain what they mean.
As you well know, each country has different customs and social norms. Be sensitive to different forms of communication, gestures, and body language. For example, it’s not appropriate to hug someone from China when you meet them unless they extend that affection first. It may take time before a student feels comfortable with affection at all. They may be more reserved than you are accustomed to as an American, but this does not mean they are uninterested in talking with you and your family.
- Day-to-day Life and Getting Settled
Hygiene is different around the world. It’s important to communicate what is expected in the U.S. in terms of showers, using the restroom, deodorant, perfumes, and clothing. Some students may not know that in America we don’t wear the same clothes each day. They will also need help purchasing personal care products. It can be overwhelming staring at an aisle of toothpaste at the store! You may also find a student trying to stand and squat on a toilet once in a while as they may be accustomed to squat toilets in their home country. They may also put the toilet paper in the waste bin instead of flushing it. Or flush things down the toilet that should not be.
Students will need assistance setting up a bank account and cell phone plan. Most other banks require a guardian and it is advised not to take on that liability as a host parent. A student that is 18 years of age or older can have a regular account with full access.
- You Are Not Alone!
If you are struggling with a situation, please remember that you have people around you to support you. If you have a Host Family Manager or school representative that is overseeing the host family program, reach out to that person. Speak with the student’s Student Manager about how to communicate with the student or address a cross-cultural issue. Talk to other host families who have experience hosting international students.
If the student is struggling academically, it’s critical that the school be informed and that teachers be contacted to ensure the student is getting the support that he or she needs. If a student is seemingly unmotivated or is demonstrating behavioral issues at school or in the home, chances are that is a cry for help, and help is available. It can be a sign of culture shock, being overwhelmed academically, feeling homesick or lonely. It can be hard for some international students to make friends with American students.
Enjoy the journey and take time to learn about your student’s family, culture, and language. Ask them to share a favorite dish, or teach you key expressions in their native language. Make an effort to invest in their culture as they are ours.
